"All happy families are equally happy, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way" L.N. Tolstoy
Every woman, getting married, dreams of a happy family, to be loved and unique. Years go by, life is delayed, love goes away, spouses move away, women find themselves in children, men come up with a hobby, give birth to mistresses. The story is as old as the world. It’s good if a man “goes up and comes back,” and if his new passion decided to take him out of his family?
No matter what goals she pursues, she will work well in life, but maybe this is her last chance not to grow old alone, or maybe it's really love, your seed boat goes to the bottom and needs something to do with it.
Here is the story of Irina, 39 years old, married 18 years old, has a daughter of 17 years.
“Exactly two years ago, on February 14, my husband admitted that he had a mistress and she was expecting a child. His former secretary turned out to be his mistress. They had a novel for several years after the husband changed jobs and we started living in another city, relations stopped for a while. Then a new novel, already virtual, flashed, they communicated via Skype. He flew to her several times, she came to him when my daughter and I were leaving for a vacation. When I learned of the pregnancy, I said, let her have an abortion, but it turned out she already had an abortion a couple of months ago and now I decided to give birth "for myself", she was already 30 years old where to go on. With my husband, we decided that we would live together until my daughter finished school, and she would help her with money. At that time I was just on the verge of collapse, an alien city , no friends, I couldn’t find a job in my specialty. It was all hysterical, my husband’s cut clothes, threatening mistress calls, alcohol. After a month I realized that all this was worse, I needed to do something, I have 2 years! I turned to a psychologist. It was enough for me 4 sessions to bring thoughts in order and start acting, my specialist estimated the chances of family preservation as 80Х20 ... "
Irina took the first step to save her family, turned to a specialist, of course in each case the approaches and methods of salvation are individual, but there are basic principles that will be discussed in our article.
That in no case can not do:
- Talk about your problems to family and friends, let it be your secret, a skeleton in the closet and do not try to influence the husband through other people, you just alienate him from yourself. I want to share and cry, go to church for confession, pour your pain on the Internet, there are a lot of forums where you will be listened to with pleasure and even give a couple of not always good advice.
“If you are not looking for contact with your mistress, it will not lead to anything good — it just makes no sense.” And for you this is extra stress.
What should be done?
Remember the rule - men do not like problems! If a man has problems in the family, he goes to his mistress, problems with his mistress, he goes away from his mistress. You ask what problems may be in his mistress? Child. You only need to wait a bit, believe me, things will change with the birth of a child. Well, by this time you have to prepare and so that we need to do:
1) Reject all emotions, look at the situation from the side. All this has already happened and you cannot change anything in the past. When asked who is to blame for himself, the answer is both. The most difficult thing to cope with emotions, heartache. Drop insults, why waste time on them, live and move on.
2) We start working on ourselves. It is difficult, but it must be done. Scroll through the old albums, what were you when met, what was your hairstyle, makeup. Your husband loved you like this, try to get that image back. You should always look to the top five. Do not have any bathrobes at home, buy yourself comfortable home clothes. Go in for sports, go on a diet, go to the beautician. Act - it will help you switch and get a charge of positive emotions.
3) Look critically at your family nest. Your house should be comfortable, clean. Rearrange, buy flowers, arrange frames with your photos.
4) Think about what your husband is interested in, what his hobby is. Learn more about his interests. Plan a joint vacation, or anything special, just ask you to take a walk in the park, go to a cafe, drink coffee, chat about anything, talk about his hobbies, the weather, mutual acquaintances. Try at first to become a husband just a friend. Do not ask him not convenient questions remember with you should be comfortable.
5) Does your family have traditions? Not? Think of them, it can be a joint dinner on Friday, a trip to friends for a picnic or just an evening tea with herbs, the main thing is that it would cause positive emotions. And maybe a joint sports hobby!
6) Do not be offended if your husband will not reciprocate you or simply does not notice your efforts, generally forget what offense is. You love flowers for the fact that they simply are, do not require anything in return.
7) Try to do everything with a smile and love, wash, iron and wash the dishes. Look at all the pros. The answer to the question how are you doing is EXCELLENT. Infect your positive with everyone in the circle and you will see how the world is changing.
8) The last and probably the most difficult, but this is a very important point, you should have an intimate relationship with your husband, more simply sex. How to achieve this, in each case individually, some men do not mind themselves, others are completely against it, considering that you are just friends. One woman, for example, said that she prescribed sex for her as a gynecologist for the prevention of cancer. There are a lot of female tricks, do not be too annoying, but your goal, regular sex at least 2 times a week.
Now back to the story of our heroine Irina
"... The most difficult thing was to stop feeling sorry for myself, to lift my Madame from the couch and to start acting. In two years I lost 10 kg and found a job. Relationship with my husband, very slowly, but got better. Exactly two years passed after our contract I decided to ask him, my daughter was leaving, I was with her too, he replied that he wanted me to stay with him. I am happy! I almost lost my husband, I realized how much I love him ...
The relationship of her husband with his mistress gradually faded away. At first, during pregnancy, they talked every day. After giving birth, she took a loan for an apartment, the husband began to relocate her money to pay off the mortgage. Calling each other was less common once a week, then once a month. Now the husband transfers money monthly, they no longer communicate. I don’t know what happened between them, but it’s not interesting to me ... The main thing is that I am happy and loved !!! "
That's probably all. Time heals, the main thing is not to give up and fight for your happiness!
But you can and so ...
