Everyone knows the phrase that the main thing in the family is love. But is it really? Do not you think that the main thing in the family is the search for compromises, which, as a rule, are achieved by the fact that you close your mouth on the lock in time, having managed to flatter yourself to your faithful? Feminists and women who prefer matriarchy, now, of course, will be outraged, saying that all this is enchanting folly. Romantic persons related to her husband will also be thought of as a crystal vase that requires tenderness and delicacy in circulation. To prove that those and others are somewhat wrong, consider the topic of compromises closer.
We will not talk about compromises where one spouse suppresses the other. This sado-masochistic relationship sometimes keeps families together for many years. Both spouses do not want to face the truth and understand who they really are.
Bypassing the side and couples in which one loves, and the other with laziness allows you to love yourself, parasitizing either on romanticism or on the excessive work of the endocrine system of your spouse.
We will talk about the families created by two strong personalities, each of which (no matter for what reason) chose the person who wakes up in the morning as husband / wife. This and no other.
Self-sufficient people who know their own worth and who want others to guess about it, very often find it hard to make compromises. To yield to another is, in their view, a manifestation of softness. A small weakness, even once manifested in a relationship with even the closest person, can permanently shake the crown, which the man himself has tried on. It is curious that the spouse thinks and acts as well. As a result, the husband and wife, having grown their long donkey's ears, do not want to make concessions, provoking conflicts and with surprising frequency being on the verge of divorce. “What to do?” You say, “After all, these people love each other. Why don't they want to meet each other?” You, as they say, see the very root. The fact is that they really love each other. But most of all, each of them loves himself. And this love, which, of course, is one of the most powerful and mutual, and does not allow them to do not in their own way.
But in these families often grow children. Curiously, these children are often quite self-sufficient too. Seeing the battles of their parents, they grow up cynical and indifferent, thinking of themselves exclusively in superlatives. And there is nothing surprising in this. Egoism gives birth only to selfishness. And it looks ugly. The unnaturalness of the relationship between fathers and mothers, who should love each other, but for some reason constantly lead intellectual positional battles, create a perverted picture of the world for children, in which there is no softness and benevolence, but only cold reasoning and a rational approach to life. This is where indifferently cynical boys and arrogant girls come from. That is the reason for the conventional phrase "before people were kinder."
What to do? Learn to make compromises. Only there is one subtlety in this: the compromises must be mutual. And this is the hardest. But if you really want to live together, if family is a certain value for you, and, in the end, if you clearly understand that the person who sleeps with you is the only one who will carry you with your crown, because has exactly the same, then look at the following tips:
- When communicating with your spouse, imagine yourself in his place for a moment. How he would be pleased if such a strong and intelligent man as you make concessions. It will be not only pleasant for him, but also incredibly flattering. Believe me, the feeling of the power of your own character will amaze you. A small concession - and everyone is happy: one by his own delusion, the second - by manifest secret condescension.
- Remember: communication (discussion, opinion, etc.) is not a battlefield. Often to win in it - to lose in something more. Dispute for the sake of argument, for the sake of feeling self-invented rightness - a great folly, giving rise to misunderstanding, resentment and a desire to recoup the next time. Try the conversation just have a good time. Speak benevolently, without interrupting each other (about raised tones and no speech). A couple of times - and you will see that the issue is resolved, everyone is happy and no one is humiliated.
- If your child is indifferent to your disputes, goes about his own business and does not react at all to a rising degree of parental communication, this does not mean at all that this does not affect your child. Even as renders! As mentioned above, the child’s model of behavior at home is immediately assimilated, forming his own attitude towards the world and people. And this attitude is ugly. It is the same as your uncompromising position. When you understand this, it will be endlessly late.
- And the last. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or a woman. We recommend each of you, to recall the dialogue from the wonderful Soviet film “A lonely hostel is available”:
- I'm a husband or not a husband? Am I right or wrong?
- Of course, you are a husband and, of course, you are right. And Ninochka may not be right. But do you know what the French say? "If a woman is wrong, you need to ask her for forgiveness."
